What would you do?

Normally I wouldn't post this on Facebook but it being almost 11:30pm everyone I usually express myself to is asleep. And my blog won't let me post! Stupid blogspot. But we were out tricking or treating tonight. I saw a dog dressed up in a costume and I said to my mum, 'I'm so doing that when I get a small dog! She's going to match my costume!' My mum responds, 'What happened to having a child to dress up?' This gave me a start. I was at a loss for words. I do not discuss the pain of not being able to get pregnant. That is a given for tears and a breakdown. So I just say, 'Well Adam and I have to be together and have sex. We've been apart for the last 3 months. But we've never used protection in our almost 7 year relationship. One pregnancy in 2005 that resulted in miscarriage. I can't get pregnant.' Just the thought makes me sick. 'Well what about adopting?' she asks. 'No adoption agency will let me adopt with my mental issues. They are extermely picky and it takes FOREVER to adopt.'
‎'Even though SO many kids need families. Every crackwhore can get pregnant but barely anyone can adopt Adam wants a son. He is the only male on his side to carry on the name and genes. I told him he can leave me to be with a woman who is f...ertile and give him kids.' My mum hemmed and hawwed then dropped the subject thankfully. I didn't want to start crying in the middle of trick or treaters. Do you know how horrible it is when you can't get pregnant? When all your friends and family are pregnant and/or have kids? Its rubbed in your face daily that you're a horrid person. I try to keep the frame of mind of 'if you don't have kids, its ok' but my heart says different. I usually keep a rein on the emotions but thanks to my mum, I will be crying myself to sleep. Not being able makes me miss my son SO MUCH that it hurts so bad and unbearable. Very unbearable. I went to the gyno the other day to start exams to see what the problem is, waiting on tests results, have to have an ultrasound soon. I'm terrified.

My mum wrote me a note this morning that says, 'Bran, Sorry, didn't mean to upset you. Both of you need to look at both sides very seriously. He shouldn't hold you back and you shouldn't hold you back. Both of you deserve to have what you w...ant, theres only one life. But first Brandi make sure everything is ok@ the doctors and go from there. I love you my beautiful daughter.' if I can't have kids, he's not holding me back my body is. He is fred to go do what he wants and have kids. I don't stake claims to him. And this coming from my mum who wants a little Brandi again and I can't give her that. Thanks for making me feel even worse.