Blue Moooooooon -dance-

New pics of Janika. Not all of the new ones but a couple of my princess! Isn't she beautiful!!!???

So I hear there is to be a blue moon tomorrow? Eh? Is it actually blue or is it the really really really white one? I'll have to Google that as I'm too impaitent to wait for an answer lmao!

So I'm not going out tomorrow. :( I'm staying home as my hunnie gets out of work early so we can bring in the new year together. I will make up for the missed drinking opportunity though. True dat!

Everyone has posted their blessings this year. So I'll post some.

I'm blessed we are still together. I'm surprised Adam hasn't left me years ago. I am so difficult to live with. Especially without my meds. Did I really say that? Yes. I was raised correctly to have manners and can be nice but man I'm a bitch. :) He is the best and I love him.

I am thankful for my family. My mummy. I LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH! You are my bestest best friend ever and the greatest mum ever. My brother. How I love thee. The littlest brother I mean. haha. He is an amazing 9 yr old with the weight of the world under his belt already. My cousins who are like my sisters. I mean Robin and Nicole. I love you guys and I wish you'd move back down here. My grandma, my Tootsie Pop. :) My aunt Jules you are the best and my heart belongs to you. My uncle Al thank you for keeping me informed and willing to deal with me and become closer. Krissy and Nevaeh- my sister from anotha mother and father and my Goddaughter. My angels. I love you guys so much. My brother Chase, thank you for being my best friend and giving me my niece. I love you. My dad, stepmum, Maw Maw, other lil brother Hunter, Ethan, Justin, Doug, Linda, Jericha, Amber, Annie Kris, Heath, Regina, Rodney, Courtney, Clinton, Sue and other family members who I'm forgetting ATM I love you!

To my cousin Zachary. Zack. Zacharyabooboo. I am so thankful for the last 21 years we had together. I will miss you for the rest of my life. I love you. RIP (I promise I will learn to play poker and win Texas Hold'em for you)

This year has shown me how strong I am even when I cry from the pain. That I can handle stuff (safe from my home) and not kill myself. I surprise myself. Now if I was working with no meds then I wouldn't handle anything at all. But this has reminded me how strong I am. And that I can quit smoking (but relapsed thanks Adam) and stick to a lifestyle change and exercise 1-3 hours a day. I can do it.

Sooooo I'll be really really really happy to see this year go (sober to boot :( ) and I'm anxious for what the new year brings. Fingers and toes crossed. :)

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/brandehhh

Yes random I know. Haha.

Rockin' Robin - 10 years of shits and giggles

This is my personal compilation of the last decade (I'll probably MISS alot but eh I'm not patient).

What were your faves? Your hates? Any great memories?

Of the Personal Sort

1. My son- while he was born Dec 1, 99 technically today it is ten years still lmao

2. My brother- Feb 22, 00- this lil boy, my bubbin, saved my life. He is my angel.

3. The move to Florida- June 01- Wow is all I can say about this haha

4. My Goddaughter- Nevaeh Marie Eagan- April 15 03

5. My car accident- March 26, 2004- the morning that ruined my life forever

6. Adam- June 12, 04- the love of my life, still goin strong, surprisingly.

7. Our baby- Dec 28, 04- Feb 8, 05- a miscarriage

8. Smokey- born March 5 05- adopted July 11 05 I love my puppy :)

And now in 09 going into 10 hopefully life will look up. As soon as I get my drugs haha.

Outside My Bubble

WTF was up with Y2K? Everyone spazzes for fun?

~September 11, 2001

What a horrid day. Horrible horrible horrible people. I almost lost my aunt and uncle that day. RIP all the victims of that day and everyone since then fighting for our country.

~Hurricane Katrina and other major hurricanes and storms

Even years of war does not even touch the devastation that a natural disaster can cause.

~The election of an African-American President (and the nomination of a female canidate)

Proving to white men that women and other ethnic groups can rule just as well or even better.

(I have a really bad memory, I'm sorry if I'm forgetting a lot of stuff)

~The heroes of the past decades- I thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart for your awesomesaucyness! Even if you don't consider yourself a hero, you made/make differences in the world.

~Michael Jackson - Enough said. Rest In Peace the King of Pop

~Animal Cops - I HATE animal abusers but love the shows! Thank you for bringing more awareness to the plight of animals domestic and exotic.

~American Idol - I love this show! You don't have to be a bodybuilder or a Playboy model to make it in the business. Just great talent! (And thank you for Kelly Clarkson, Carrie underwood and Adam Lambert)

~MySpace, Facebook and Twitter - How I love thee!

~Usher's 'Yeah!' - I LOVE this song! The only song I yearned for the whole time I was in the hospital. I can listen to it over and over and over again!

~JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE- What a sexy mother fucker. Amazing artist, awesome human being, freakin funny, and soooo good in concert!

~Thank God Metallica and Aerosmith did not break up. Can you tell I LOVE music?

~The ending of TRL and music videos being played on Vh1, MTV and any other music channel. Wait they're not music channels anymore. Reality 24/ fucking 7

~Lady Gaga, The Roots, EMINEM, Kayne West (ya asshole!), Kings of Leon, Rihanna, Nickelback and various other artists who broke out this year/decade or became big.

~All the local bands that I love! Diamond Gray, Retribution formerly Retrovein, Kilo, LiveWire and Tantrum! Awesome bands and they love me even with my crazy drunkeness.

~All the stupid fucks (the cop who smoked weed then called 911), the terrorists/extremists, Spiedi, and any other idiot who made news interesting this year. Except the terrorists/extremists-Rot in Hell

~Reality tv- the stupid ass entertainment. Especially when regular programming started sucking so much.

~The worst-- the woman who caused the 13 yr old to kill herself- shame on you (for example), the animal abusers, the child abusers, rapists, thieves, greedy mother fuckers, stupid people who spread diseases and STDs like candy.

~Last but not least- the economy. Oh lordy be.

Aaaand like I said I probably forgot tons like I usually do. But eh. There's always edit.

My niece Nov 30 09 I LOVE YOUMy first and possibly own niece for years (two younger brothers ages 9 and 11) or ever. ;)

Zachary Ryan Cleek 11-8-88 to 12-16-09
I still can't believe Zack is gone. Like an ache, a hole in the heart, a missing limb that still hurts. He's not here. Like I wake up and everything feels normal and then I see his face in that coffin in my mind's eye and it all comes back to me. I can't believe it. I swore I saw his hand move after I kissed it at his viewing. My handsomw 21 yr old cousin forever young and gangsta. I love you Zack.

I hope you enjoyed my lil pile of recaps. :)

~And I forgot something! Senator ted Kennedy. I have an older post about him. -points- RIP

Maintenance?

Yeah lame title.

But I'll be on and updating. Go me?

Yesyesyesyes I know.

It might look a lil different. I was trying to fix the CSS reflex thingy below and just cleared the whole template and started over. Hahaha Would have been easier if I'd known Ctrl+F is the same on Google Chrome.

So it'll be a lil different. Might add more shit or what not.

For others who use Google Chrome-shortcuts

Police in Western Pennsylvania Say William Woodson Kicked His Girlfriend's Puppy to Death

Police in Western Pennsylvania Say William Woodson Kicked His Girlfriend's Puppy to Death

Totally fucked up. I'm so tired of hearing about people abusing animals! Parents need to stop kids when they're young not to abuse animals cuz when they become adults we get dog abusers, rapers, cat fuckers whatever. People who abuse animals have no soul.

Merry Christmas lovely bitches

Merry Christmas everyone!

Yes, I've been slacking but this has been a VERY hard two weeks and Christmas. I'll be back on and blogging soon enough.

Zachary Ryan Cleek

This is Zack's obit page. It'll be online til 1/20/10 then my aunt and uncle get it printed out. Please sign it if you can/want. My aunt and incle would really appreciate it!!!!!

RIP ZACHARY RYAN CLEEK

11-8-88 12-16-09

Sorry guys I got my wireless up and running on Tuesday and BAM!!! get woken up on Wednesday to the news that my 1st cousin is dead at the age of 21.

It hurts so bad that he's no longer here. I miss him soooooooooo much. His sister and our grandma and my brother were just here visiting me and we talked and cried over Zack. My Zacharyabooboo

It's been a crazy couple of days. I left the house for the first time today to take the garbage out. My other cousin Nicole, Zack's sister, our grandma and my little brother came up to see me and check on me. I'm going to grandma's tomorrow to spend a couple days with the family.

My cousin was such a great guy. Yes I wanted to strangle him at times over the drugs and shit but I loved that boy like he was my kid. He was my party buddy and my poker partner. He'd always ask me when could he come over to hang with me and Adam. There was this one day I went to his house to see him and he was alert, his eyes were clear, he was talking normal. He wasn't on anything. I was so happy to have Zack back I almost started crying on his porch. And now I've lost him forever. My poor aunt and uncle. OMG... Nicole now saya she will never have kids because losing Zack hurts too much and just imagine if she lost a kid like my aunt has...

And it wasn't a drug overdose. He was severly epileptic and couldnt work because of it nor could he get Medicare because he still lived at home with my aunt. And his meds were EXPENSIVE. And he was denied medicine if he couldn't pay. I hope his fucking doctor is feeling really good right now for being such a greedy bitch and killing a kid.

I can't post this video here as it's not mine but one of Zack's friends dedicated this to him, he's in it the only white boy lol. They made it Monday two days before he died.

RIP ZACK

Please watch it. Explicit language warning though.

I LOVE YOU ZACK!!!!!

So WIN

I can't believe I put that.....

Lmao. So I'm on my new laptop. On my porch getting Wi-Fi til my router comes.

I'm so excited!! I dunno why. I'm such a nerd. :)

Eeeeeeeh!

Adam bought me a laptop!!!! Yeaaaaaa! So I do my blog from home! Yay! I'm excited!

More Janika

More pics of my princess! Isn't she the CUTEST lil thing?

Injustice of child abuse

Last Thanksgiving, actually a week before, in 2008 when my brother was 8 our step grandfather shoved a coat hanger down his throat. Leading up to that Jimmy would punch Jared or hit him or slap him on the back or trip or call him a stupid fuck and various other names and tell him he's a piece of shit and needs to die.

My brother got blamed for it.

Now Jimmy is out on bond (the court lowered his bail, 15k was put up)and living like 100 yards away behind the house. Which he isn't allowed to be ANYWHERE near Jared per his bail and a restraining order. He calls all the time even when Jared's home, comes to the house, makes nasty comments and has my grandmother so mentally abused and brainwashed she worships the ground he walks on and thinks Jared is the devil. They even tried evicting my mum which they can't do as they don't own the house and my mum pays rent and electric.

How come a now 9 year old is being blamed for being abused? Is the sick old man (who has been arrested for cocaine and DUIS yes multiple he just got out months before the incident after serving 5 years in jail. He has no license but drives. And drinks.) Why does Jimmy not get in more trouble? Why is a child just being pushed aside like he's trash? Jimmy thinks of himself as above the law. Our family supports Jimmy. But if this had happened to Ethan or the baby Jayden they'd kill Jimmy. But they can't support Jared? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

Fucked up Christmas presents

So I had to share. LOL enjoy

Click meeeee

JANIKA MACIE EVETT BOUTELLE

MY BEAUTIFUL NIECE!!!!

Janika was born November 30th, 2009 at 8am CST weighing in 7.10 lbs and 20 inches long. Chase (my brother, her daddy)being a first time daddy and a big softie, cried when she was born. Lela, Chase's gf, is in the bottom pic with Janika.

I have been waiting AAAAALL year for this baby to come and she's finally here! Except she's in Alabama and I'm in Florida. :( But I get to meet her soon!

Love TOUJOURS
Auntie Brandy

(I'm an auntie! Augh! :D)

So....

This post will be LONG. With entries from my hard copy journal.

POLITICAL ASPIRATIONS

(If I even spelled that right)

(written 8-29-09)

Senator Edward M (Teddy) Kennedy died last week. Today was his funeral/memorial. An American hero; who fought for the poor, the weak, the forgotten, the depriced. What an inspiration.

Before my accident, when I was still in school, I wanted to get a law degree to go into ploitics. Then I changed my mind for the Army (to be a MP then a police officer). After my accident I didn't know what I was going to do with the rest of my fucked up life.

To be President used to be a dream, to make a difference, since I was little. But now that's like impossible. Presidents (or President hopefuls) are so persecuted, and ripped apart to make sure they are innocent and lily white. Which isn't fair. A lot of Americans would politicans to be more personable, to actually have life experiences like the rest of country. But that's not what happens. They have to be religious even though church and state are supposed to be seperate. And people assassinate presidents because they are not God and has to make decisions for the whole country not individuals. So my parents are divorced. My dad is an alcoholic and former drug user. Same with my mum. I was a whore as a child. I had a child while I was still a child; underage and unmarried. My mum has an illegetimate child. Drugs, sex, cussing, Taking the Lord's name in vain, obsessed with drinking all kinds of crap that would become fodder to use against me. A whole bunch of life experiences that aren't pretty. And now I'm disabled and have health problems and will always have them and more. I would be judged beyond belief. What kind of American dream is that.

Next best thing? To become a senator. But how do you do that? To be a senator, I could make all the differences I want. Help young girls/women, stop drunk driving, fight for and help children, families and young people who need help, help abuse victims and devastating accident victims, save/help animals; to name a few. The foundations I want to start. And have a job that is not physically trying, but emotionally and mentally challenging. My way of serving my country even though I can not go into the military. What would my legacy be? That ANYONE (rich, poor, pretty, ugly, whoever) can do whatever they dream? That females ARE equal? That depression and suicide aren't the answer and that yes mental illness is REAL? Would my grandma be proud? Wuld my dad? That I'm not a fuck-up? Would I make myself proud?

It'll be a long hard road, but so worth it. The challenge is exciting. I love challenges and problems. I love to learn and to help.



ACTUALLY I'm not going to post anymore from my journal. Lots of cussing and very very very angry. :)

For your info

I don't update very much. Obviously.

The email app on my phone like puts 0000000 in multiple email address slots that I can't erase so I can never send any updates from my phone.

I can't wait til I get a laptop.

Aaaaaand I haven't used HTML in months. I am so rusty. Sorry if this blog looks dorky or lame!!!!

UGH

I am just sick to death after reading the story of the 15 year old. Do people not have hearts? I would NOT be able to watch someone get raped let alone for over 2 hours by multiple men. How fucking sick are people nowadays. That girl's life is ruined because the boys' parents did not raise them correctly nor did the parents of the bystanders watching.

edit 12-2-09

And of course there are no updates on the girl or the case. It's like been swept under the rug, as if raping a child is cool.

This country is hell in a handbasket

Richmond, California (CNN) -- Investigators say as many as 20 people were involved in or stood and watched the gang rape of a 15-year-old girl outside a California high school homecoming dance Saturday night.
Police posted a $20,000 reward Tuesday for anyone who comes to them with information that helps arrest and convict those involved in what authorities describe as a 2½-hour assault on the Richmond High School campus in suburban San Francisco.
Two teenage suspects have been jailed, but more arrests, as many as 20 total, are expected, according to a police detective.
"We will be making arrests continually as we develop probable cause," said Richmond Police Lt. Mark Gagan. "With this number of people implicated in the incident we're going to be making arrests on an ongoing basis."
As many as 10 people were involved in the assault in a dimly lighted back alley at the school, while another 10 people watched without calling 911 to report it, police said.
A 1999 California law makes it illegal not to report a witnessed crime against a child, but the law applies only to children 14 and under.
"We do not have the ability to arrest people who witnessed the crime and did nothing," Gagan said. "The law can be very rigid. We don't have the authority to make an arrest."
Charles Ramsey, a member of the Richmond school board, said the school district bears some responsibility for the attack. School administrators and police apparently weren't watching the area as they should have, Ramsey said.
The school said it would hold a safety meeting for parents and students Wednesday evening to address the assault.
The victim was found unconscious under a bench shortly before midnight Saturday, after police received a call from someone in the area who had overheard people at the assault scene "reminiscing about the incident," Richmond Police Lt. Mark Gagan said.
The girl was flown by helicopter to a hospital where she was admitted in critical condition. She was in stable condition Tuesday, police said.
Investigators canvassed the community with fliers, which included the reward offer, hoping to identify more suspects Tuesday.

"There is one individual in custody who has made some spontaneous statements that have led me to believe that he is culpable for what happened," Richmond police Lt. Johan Simon said.
Nineteen-year-old Manuel Ortega, described as a former student at the school, was arrested soon after he fled the scene and will face charges of rape, robbery and kidnapping, police said.
A 15-year-old was later arrested and charged with one count of felony sexual assault. A third teenager was being interviewed, Gagan said.
"Based on witness statements and suspect statements, and also physical evidence, we know that she was raped by at least four suspects committing multiple sex acts," Gagan said.
"As people announced over time that this was going on, more people came to see, and some actually participated," Gagan said.
The attack occurred on school grounds as the annual homecoming dance was under way inside the school Saturday night, authorities said.

Inspirational songs in the face of hard times

MUSIC! Just some songs I sing to myself when upset. :)

~Amazing Grace

Amazing grace how sweet the sound That saved a wretch like me! I once was lost, but now am found; Was blind, but now I see. 'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, And grace my fears relieved; How precious did that grace appear The hour I first believed. Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come; 'Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, And grace will lead me home. The Lord has promised good to me, His word my hope secures; He will my shield and portion be, As long as life endures. I shall but walk always with You, Your heart forever mine, I'll live in Christ, so pure and true, Until the end of time. Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, And mortal life shall cease, I shall possess, within the veil, A life of joy and peace. The world shall soon dissolve like snow, The sun refuse to shine; But God, who called me here below, Shall be forever mine. When we've been here ten thousand years, Bright shining as the sun! We've no less days to sing god's praise, Then when we'd first begun.

~Down in the River to Pray (Allison Krause; O Brother Where Art Thou)

As I went down in the river to pray As I went down in the river to pray Studying about that good old way And who shall wear the starry crown Good Lord, show me the way ! O sisters let's go down, Let's go down, come on down, O sisters let's go down, Down in the river to pray. As I went down in the river to pray Studying about that good old way And who shall wear the robe and crown Good Lord, show me the way ! O brothers let's go down, Let's go down, come on down, Come on brothers let's go down, Down in the river to pray. As I went down in the river to pray Studying about that good old way And who shall wear the starry crown Good Lord, show me the way ! O fathers let's go down, Let's go down, come on down, O fathers let's go down, Down in the river to pray. As I went down in the river to pray Studying about that good old way And who shall wear the robe and crown Good Lord, show me the way ! O mothers let's go down, Come on down, don't you want to go down, Come on mothers, let's go down, Down in the river to pray. As I went down in the river to pray Studying about that good old way And who shall wear the starry crown Good Lord, show me the way ! O sinners let's go down, Let's go down, come on down, O sinners let's go down, Down in the river to pray. As I went down in the river to pray Studying about that good old way And who shall wear the robe and crown Good Lord, show me the way !

~If We Hold on Together (Diana Ross; Land Before Time)

Don't lose your way With each passing day You've come so far Don't throw it away Live believing Dreams are for weaving Wonders are waiting to start Live your story Faith hope and glory Hold to the truth In your heart If we hold on together I know our dreams Will never die Dreams see us through To forever Where clouds roll by For you and I Souls in the wind learn how to mend Seek out a star Hold on to the end Valley, mountain There is a fountain Washes our tears All away Words are swaying Someone is praying Please let us come Home to stay If we hold on together I know our dreams Will never die Dreams see us through To forever Where clouds roll by For you and I When we are out there In the dark We'll dream about the sun In the dark We'll feel the light Warm our hearts Everyone If we hold on together I know our dreams Will never die Dreams see us through To forever As high As souls can fly The clouds roll by For you and I

~Nearer My God to Thee

Nearer, my God, to Thee, nearer to Thee! E'en though it be a cross that raiseth me, Still all my song shall be, Nearer, my God, to Thee. Nearer, my God, to Thee, Nearer to Thee! Though like the wanderer, the sun gone down, Darkness be over me, my rest a stone. Yet in my dreams I'd be Nearer, my God to Thee. Nearer, my God, to Thee, Nearer to Thee! There let the way appear, steps unto heav'n; All that Thou sendest me, in mercy given; Angels to beckon me Nearer, my God, to Thee. Nearer, my God, to Thee, Nearer to Thee! Then, with my waking thoughts bright with Thy praise, Out of my stony griefs Bethel I'll raise; So by my woes to be Nearer, my God, to Thee. Nearer, my God, to Thee, Nearer to Thee! Or, if on joyful wing cleaving the sky, Sun, moon, and stars forgot, upward I'll fly, Still all my song shall be, Nearer, my God, to Thee. Nearer, my God, to Thee, Nearer to Thee! There in my Father's home, safe and at rest, There in my Savior's love, perfectly blest; Age after age to be, Nearer my God to Thee. Nearer, my God, to Thee, Nearer to Thee!

We Had Him

We Had Him

by Maya Angelou,

Beloveds, now we know that we know nothing, now that our bright and shining star can slip away from our fingertips like a puff of summer wind. Without notice, our dear love can escape our doting embrace. Sing our songs among the stars and walk our dances across the face of the moon. In the instant that Michael is gone, we know nothing. No clocks can tell time. No oceans can rush our tides with the abrupt absence of our treasure. Though we are many, each of us is achingly alone, piercingly alone. Only when we confess our confusion can we remember that he was a gift to us and we did have him. He came to us from the creator, trailing creativity in abundance. Despite the anguish, his life was sheathed in mother love, family love, and survived and did more than that. He thrived with passion and compassion, humor and style. We had him whether we know who he was or did not know, he was ours and we were his. We had him, beautiful, delighting our eyes. His hat, aslant over his brow, and took a pose on his toes for all of us. And we laughed and stomped our feet for him. We were enchanted with his passion because he held nothing. He gave us all he had been given. Today in Tokyo, beneath the Eiffel Tower, in Ghana's Black Star Square. In Johannesburg and Pittsburgh, in Birmingham, Alabama, and Birmingham, England We are missing Michael. But we do know we had him, and we are the world.

So slow

You'd think I'd have a blog already. But I was using my Myspace one haha! Rather late on this whole deal but I'm here now!