So....

This post will be LONG. With entries from my hard copy journal.

POLITICAL ASPIRATIONS

(If I even spelled that right)

(written 8-29-09)

Senator Edward M (Teddy) Kennedy died last week. Today was his funeral/memorial. An American hero; who fought for the poor, the weak, the forgotten, the depriced. What an inspiration.

Before my accident, when I was still in school, I wanted to get a law degree to go into ploitics. Then I changed my mind for the Army (to be a MP then a police officer). After my accident I didn't know what I was going to do with the rest of my fucked up life.

To be President used to be a dream, to make a difference, since I was little. But now that's like impossible. Presidents (or President hopefuls) are so persecuted, and ripped apart to make sure they are innocent and lily white. Which isn't fair. A lot of Americans would politicans to be more personable, to actually have life experiences like the rest of country. But that's not what happens. They have to be religious even though church and state are supposed to be seperate. And people assassinate presidents because they are not God and has to make decisions for the whole country not individuals. So my parents are divorced. My dad is an alcoholic and former drug user. Same with my mum. I was a whore as a child. I had a child while I was still a child; underage and unmarried. My mum has an illegetimate child. Drugs, sex, cussing, Taking the Lord's name in vain, obsessed with drinking all kinds of crap that would become fodder to use against me. A whole bunch of life experiences that aren't pretty. And now I'm disabled and have health problems and will always have them and more. I would be judged beyond belief. What kind of American dream is that.

Next best thing? To become a senator. But how do you do that? To be a senator, I could make all the differences I want. Help young girls/women, stop drunk driving, fight for and help children, families and young people who need help, help abuse victims and devastating accident victims, save/help animals; to name a few. The foundations I want to start. And have a job that is not physically trying, but emotionally and mentally challenging. My way of serving my country even though I can not go into the military. What would my legacy be? That ANYONE (rich, poor, pretty, ugly, whoever) can do whatever they dream? That females ARE equal? That depression and suicide aren't the answer and that yes mental illness is REAL? Would my grandma be proud? Wuld my dad? That I'm not a fuck-up? Would I make myself proud?

It'll be a long hard road, but so worth it. The challenge is exciting. I love challenges and problems. I love to learn and to help.



ACTUALLY I'm not going to post anymore from my journal. Lots of cussing and very very very angry. :)