I look like I'm trying to be a white, blonde Hispanic...

2010..... Come on 2011!!!

Last year I did a whole long post for the upcoming 2010... So not doing that this year.

2010 was a blah blah, horrid, ok year. I'm hoping for the best in the upcoming year. Just like everyone else does. Hoping for the best, trying to be positive but knowing in the back of my mind it'll be a clusterfuck as usual. lol

I love my family and friends!!

Happy New Year!!! 2011 should be a better year!!! <3

100th post!

So did everyone have a good Christmas? Stuff themselves fat? Get everything they want?
Not I said the blind man....

Wow 100th post. That's like virgin territory compared to other blogs.

Trying to use menstration calendar apps on my phone that I put passwords on to track my periods and estimate when I'm fertile. Need to find foods, vitamins, etc that help boost fertility and sperm count. Anyone have any suggestions?

	I got bangs!!!!

Oh why....?

I have a 24/7 intimate relationship with the porcelain gods and I don't even drink anymore....

I even wake up early fucking early to go pee and then can't go back to sleep. And I should by stock in toilet paper

What a lil flirt... <3

Jani and her spaghetti 12/12/10

Skittery rinkadink

So still trying to figure out the new stuff on here and how to get the share buttons on my posts... Anyone know? Really need to work on this old beast.

And I apologize for the negative boring posts. I always wanted to write a quirky funny blog but right now I'm not feeling so proud, happy or positive so no snap, crackle , pop around here.

I'm hoping once I get a job again, back into school and exercising again I'll start to feel normal once more and more confident about myself. Right now I'm just rather miserable all around and can't even stand my own thoughts sometimes! But the past two years I've come to realized I'm not so angry anymore... Or its all in hiding and I'll snap soon? Who knows...

And trying to get my brother to send more Jani photos! I miss my baby so much!

<3

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Blondeness alert!!!

Ok I haven't been ignoring you guys. I just found out that you can read all the comments posted at once. JUST FOUND THIS OUT LOL. I guess that's what I get for being blonde and not investigating the options more. But anywaaaays I really appreciate all the comments and sweet words!!! Seriously! Thank you!

And fyi Im back. Moved for a fresh start. Adam's career is finally taking off, should have moved sooner lol. Still job searching, which Im restricted as we only have one car atm til I get a job and get my Jetta. Eeeeh Im still bored shitless, I hate being stuck at home with nothing to do. Even the appeal of cleaning every day all day has lost its shine as boredom gets worse. Still cant get pregnant either. BUT my new phone can do almost anything so Im back to blogging. Hopefully can start blogging better and funnier and FIX THE LAYOUT LOL. I also started a sex blog as a friend suggested I use my slore knowledge and put it to go use.

So yeah I am back lovelies <3

Politics oh lovely politics

As I watch the Sunday political shows and hear over and over about the million and billionaires and the non exsistent middle class, I wonder about the homeless, the POOR, the ones who used to be middle class which is most of the country now who are constantly railroaded by the big companies and the rich. WHAT IS BEING DONE FOR THE POOR, THE MAJORITY OF THE COUNTRY???

All this talking the talk but not walking the walk. The Republicans, the Democrats need to straighten their panties, grow up and sit down and discuss what's best for the country not the rich, the special interests, the big companies.

The rich, the special interests, the big coompanies caused this economy mess, they can suck it up, pay the taxes, hire employees and fix this economy. They cause this disaster then run and hide and point fingers at the President for not fixing it fast enough.

I was born and raised in a upper and middle middle class family. I am now a disabled 27 yr old who is unemployed. I can not get disability from the government, I can not get any help from the government. I can not finish my education because of University of Phoenix raping me financially, made me take out additional student loans to cover my government grant that they stole, I can not get a job because Ive been out of work for two years. Also employers do credit checks and I have the worst credit because of hundred of thousands of dollars in medical bills so they judge me. I can not get a job to fix my credit and get health insurance. I am scraping the barrel of life, depression, suicide screaming for help but being ignored because I am young, white (yes I am being discriminated against because of my color because its assumed I have money, all these opportunities, these privileges and I dont), and a female without a completed education.

I am a VERY intelligent, honest hard worker who loves her country. If I could join the military I most certainly would. Yet another option taken from me.

What is the government doing for me? NOTHING. What is the government doing for others like me and mu family? NOTHING. We elected them they need to be working for us, doing what is best for us.

Fucking shut up, remember your morals and values, what your mother taught you, TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WISH TO BE TREATED, WITH RESPECT AND HONESTY, pull your heads out of your asses and do your job right. You are a public servant working for us the other 97% pf the country, the important ones, get it right.

My mother raised me Republican which I was proud to be. People laughed when I used to proudly say Im Republican. "There's no way you're Republican. Not wishy washy whiny fake religious attention whorish like other Republicans." I would just brush thos off and shrug. But it got me thinking after I read all the hate that was wrapped up in religious morals the Republicans were spewing and still are spewing. Damn hypocrites. I researched what a Republican is, what a Democrat is, liberal, conservative blahblah. I am now ashamed to say I was proud to be Republican. To quote rapper T.I. : "Your values is a dissaray, prioritizin' horribly; Unhappy with the riches 'causes you're piss poor morally; Ignorin' all prior advice and forewarnin'; And we mighty full of ourselves all of a sudden aren't we?"

All the politicians are piss poor morally. They need to step back, cut the crap and do what is right for the country.

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Purple and butterfly <3

Thank you Rosa Parks

55 years a ballsy, amazing woman who "was just tired of sitting in the back of the bus" sat down in the front and stood up for equal rights. What an amazing woman who just put her foot down basically said no. she also jumped started womans rights as well. Thank you thank you thank you Rosa. You made the world a better place and I commend you. Rest in Peace.

	Aaaw she turns one tomorrow! 1! Where has the year gone?

My ghetto decorating. Had to throw so many lights out

My new phone! Optimus Prime as I call it lol

My Christmas tree

Jani turns one on the 30th!!!

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Life's jealousies

At Amanda's to see Blake. Yet again another baby to show what I can't have. Its like torture. Does it ever stop haunting, hurting? The perfect little life that I will never have. :(
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Master Blake!

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Janika! 11/20/10 10 days until first birthday!

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Wachovia group interview

Hey!

Went on a group Teller interview for Wachovia this morning. I think it went good. Odd but good. I was EXTERMELY nervous and intimidated (sp). I tried really hard to stay positive and stick to key points that I wrote down. But its degrading in a sense when you lay yourself out there and there more attractive and/or more experienced applicants that they judge you against and pick them.

We got there like a half hour early and walked in to make sure I was in the right place. We went back outside so Adam could smoke and all my confidence and positivity went up with his smoke. Everyone was more professionally dressed and the other applicants were more attractive and younger. Which then Adam berated me for thinking like that. And this whole credit check to get a job. Pfffft. I'll never get a job then. That fucking accident just keep controlling and ruining my life. My confidence is gone, I'm more negative then ever, my body is scarred and disfigured and overweight, I've been denied jobs and advancement because of my disability and my credit is completely ruined and held against me. I can't win for losing. This 'gift' that keeps giving for the rest of my life is no longer wanted. Adam and I are basically starting over and want to do things right but can't if this curse and punishment doesn't let up. This shit sucks.
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I'm so proud of myself for not chewing my nails!

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new nephew! Blake Daniel Edward 11/4/10

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What would you do?

Normally I wouldn't post this on Facebook but it being almost 11:30pm everyone I usually express myself to is asleep. And my blog won't let me post! Stupid blogspot. But we were out tricking or treating tonight. I saw a dog dressed up in a costume and I said to my mum, 'I'm so doing that when I get a small dog! She's going to match my costume!' My mum responds, 'What happened to having a child to dress up?' This gave me a start. I was at a loss for words. I do not discuss the pain of not being able to get pregnant. That is a given for tears and a breakdown. So I just say, 'Well Adam and I have to be together and have sex. We've been apart for the last 3 months. But we've never used protection in our almost 7 year relationship. One pregnancy in 2005 that resulted in miscarriage. I can't get pregnant.' Just the thought makes me sick. 'Well what about adopting?' she asks. 'No adoption agency will let me adopt with my mental issues. They are extermely picky and it takes FOREVER to adopt.'
‎'Even though SO many kids need families. Every crackwhore can get pregnant but barely anyone can adopt Adam wants a son. He is the only male on his side to carry on the name and genes. I told him he can leave me to be with a woman who is f...ertile and give him kids.' My mum hemmed and hawwed then dropped the subject thankfully. I didn't want to start crying in the middle of trick or treaters. Do you know how horrible it is when you can't get pregnant? When all your friends and family are pregnant and/or have kids? Its rubbed in your face daily that you're a horrid person. I try to keep the frame of mind of 'if you don't have kids, its ok' but my heart says different. I usually keep a rein on the emotions but thanks to my mum, I will be crying myself to sleep. Not being able makes me miss my son SO MUCH that it hurts so bad and unbearable. Very unbearable. I went to the gyno the other day to start exams to see what the problem is, waiting on tests results, have to have an ultrasound soon. I'm terrified.

My mum wrote me a note this morning that says, 'Bran, Sorry, didn't mean to upset you. Both of you need to look at both sides very seriously. He shouldn't hold you back and you shouldn't hold you back. Both of you deserve to have what you w...ant, theres only one life. But first Brandi make sure everything is ok@ the doctors and go from there. I love you my beautiful daughter.' if I can't have kids, he's not holding me back my body is. He is fred to go do what he wants and have kids. I don't stake claims to him. And this coming from my mum who wants a little Brandi again and I can't give her that. Thanks for making me feel even worse.

Breaking News

	FEDERAL JUDGE IN CALIFORNIA KNOCKS DOWN THE STATE'S VOTER-APPROVED BAN ON SAME-SEX MARRIAGE. AN APPEAL IS EXPECTED. Is everyone stoned in Cali? Denying rights to citizens and shit. Go Judge!